I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
