Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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