3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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