i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
