I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
