Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
