no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
