Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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