if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
