would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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