Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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