Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
