its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
