Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
