Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
