She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My day in three words: secret purse cake
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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