I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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