Apparently you make a good broom.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
When did angry sex become our thing?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Randomize
