maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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