Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
