he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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