he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
