I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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