Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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