I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
