the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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