just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
