I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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