im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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