Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
