I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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