There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
this will be a night to untag.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
