shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
