i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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