Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
