He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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