Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
