90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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