Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize