I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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