Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
