I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
