she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
