she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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