I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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