remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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