She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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