quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
