as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Let's get the cat blown out
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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