you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
