I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Randomize
