I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
