You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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