you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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