he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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