I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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