hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
