She is in my trunk
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
