Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
