I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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